Audio Version

Text Version

I was at a party, listening to a group of people. They were all talking at the same time and over each other.  I decided to opt-out of the conversation and instead observe this phenomenon.

It all began when a special topic was introduced by one party; followed by an erupt and simultaneous response from the rest. The conversation intensified, and the mood became hostile. No progress being made towards a consensus. Given my analytical nature, I attempted to analyze why this was happening. One question kept surfacing in my thoughts. Why are they not listening to each other?  It was intense, nevertheless intriguing. This question set me on a path of discovery.

Listening is a powerful tool, and it’s free.

This is not about the special topic, but more about awareness of human behaviour/interaction and its consequences. I do realize that the context of a conversation can dictate the passion behind a ‘non-listener’; we all have buttons; some easier to trigger than others, but we can agree that sometimes it can be difficult to restrain our emotions when dealing with a sensitive subject, perhaps one that we are passionate about.

It also could simply be lack of communication skills, search for recognition of our ideas, wanting to be heard, feeling of worthiness or simply arrogance. When we are determined to output a series of sentences without listening, we become incapable of effectively retaining external input.

‘Not listening’ can be bad for your health

When having frivolous conversations with our friends, or strangers, the consequences of not listening can be minimal. But when it comes to our professional lives, talking without listening can be costly to our career’s health and longevity. Once we understand these consequences, it will be easier to relate them to our personal lives and to reap the benefits.

We want to thrive in our careers; so we try to impress. Instead we speak prematurely and end-up looking foolish. Perhaps giving a solution to a problem we don’t understand, or dismissing a great idea because we were not listening. These qualities not only prevent the accomplishment of great work, but it can create resentment and even tarnished reputations.

You have the right to remain silent

There are plenty of times where it is beneficial to you to remain silent; ask any lawyer.  You may inadvertently be hurting your case without realizing it.  This can become crucial in negotiations, where an abrupt statement can irrevocably devastate your position. It is sometimes a good strategy to listen to and understand your opposition in order to build a stronger case.

When you are listening, you are collecting information. The more information you have, the better decisions you will make.  Regardless of our expertise, knowledge or educational background we can always learn from anyone. I don’t say this loosely.  Anyone.  This does not mean that everyone will have ground-breaking knowledge that will change your life.  It means that you can learn from their behaviour, mistakes, relationships, demeanour, etc.

We are constantly surrounded by an immense amount of hidden knowledge, we just have to learn to parse the data; and it all starts with observation. In the words of the great Kendrick Lamar, be humble. Our view might change in the course of the conversation. There is no shame in that.  But you may never come to that realization if the Volume of your voice is your primary tool, as opposed to the ability of refining the content of your speech.

Listening can be a selfish act

We work hard to obtain our knowledge. If we value that knowledge, as we would value any currency, then speaking that knowledge would be as if we are spending that currency. In addition, we set our currency value by outputting valuable information. If you speak prematurely, you may not be adding value to a conversation and consequently diminishing your currency.

There is more to be gained when we are consciously making an effort to understand our human counter-parts.  It is a rewarding experience that can build better relationships (or dismantle harmful ones). Too often we are occupied with constructing our next sentences, while we should really be listening. A genuine gesture of empathy can go a long way.  A tense situation can be deescalated by simply demonstrating that you have understood your opposition.  It will open many opportunities for you to wisely spend your currency.